Well, I accidentally didn't tape the first half hour of the show. Turns out there was an episode of Go Diego Go that took precedence. Have no fear, the spectacled bear was rescued by Baby Jaguar and Alicia.
Cheryl Cole is back! America missed you! Just in time to see J. Mark do the robot all over the stage. His pants kind of look like he peed them. Well he picked a great song but I don't know if the guy can sing. Still he was more interesting than the entirety of the last show. They picked him! Awesome. This guy has absolutely no future. Of course, that's what they said about Travis, and look at him now.
The tension around the Josh Krajcik audition was unbearable. Would his mom be right? Is he awesome? Can he pull off that low cut V neck sweater? Because he's one ugly mofo. His dad must be a leper or a troll or an ogre or something. Turns out he sounds just like another ugly mofo--Michael Bolton! Maybe he'll sing the Captain Jack Sparrow song next time!
Now on to Seattle (again?) The editing of this show is terrible. Hairstyles change minute to minute, judges switch.
Whoa! Heart is looking old! Oh they're mom and daughter, not sisters. Whew. Darwin? Darwin? Who names their daughter Darwin? I guess Bohr, Oppenheimer, and Heisenberg were taken (nerdy science joke alert).
Why do all people under 16 love Bieber? He can't sing! I mean seriously, lots of teen hearthrobs have come and gone and maybe there were all bubblegum, but at least they had talent. Bieber is nothing more than a smile. But what a dreamy smile...what was I saying? Anyway, if my daughter is like this girl when she's 14, I'm going to have a rough time being a dad. Which is surprising to you I'm sure, given how emotionally available and sympathetic I am. This girl just blew Biebs out of the water. Of course, so did Darwin and her 70 year old mom.
4Shore -- let's be honest, this song carried them. They were fine, but they're not Boyz II Men. I would think that any competant group of guys could sing that song and it would sound good. But not great, like Kwani and Sean and the guy with glasses and the guy with the cane. I think these guys got just a bit too much love from the judges. Maybe they'll surprise me later with some Jodeci or Color Me Badd.
Grandma Elaine just wiped the floor with 4Shore. Sign her up!
Tiger Budbill--gotta love guys who refuse to acknowledge that they're bald so they wear hats. Mike Love of the Beach Boys played that card for decades. Wait a minute--he's not bald, he just wears stupid hats!
Speaking of stupid hats, Phillip Lomax the hipster is next. I hate him already. Is he wearing Dr. Zaius' coat from the original Planet of the Apes? He did a good job if his goal is to be in a revue of swing music. Ladies love him though. That's all you need in today's music world. If you look like Tom Petty or Joe Cocker now, you don't stand a chance. You have to look like this d-bag and sing so-so and you're a millionaire.
Tiah--Simon likes her? Maybe it was the song but I thought she was all over the place and it seemed like the song was the same tune over and over again. I like how Paula gives singing lessons, she's a real expert in singing isn't she? I love how the female judges hate all girls who look cute at all. However, they are right in this case. She sang another song, and it still sounded weird. Why did they focus so much on her at the end? I don't get this show.
Tune in tomorrow for more pointless auditions.
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